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Wed, Dec. 10th, 2008, 11:16 pm
mscarolyn: Cross-post

I went to my first DV awareness meeting tonight and I'm starting to feel free, know that I need to leave, and be able to figure out how to get the support I need. I have to be brief because my abuser is in the house, but I just wanted to tell someone.

Everything he does and says feels disgusting to me. I can't wait until the end of January when I can get my kids out of here and TELL HIM WHY. I know if I brought up any of it right now, I'd be endangering everyone, including the dog.

And my situation is uncommon, because he has never been physically abusive, just verbally. But we all walk on eggshells aorund here and my son plays his make-believe games and says things like, "God Dammit!"

It's that nebulous line of abuse that he walks. Nothing he does is straight-forward, but everything he does tows the line of abuse.

I can't wait until I'm safe and out of here. And I, too, checked half the things on one of those "Does your partner do this...?" checklists and was amazed.

Thu, Dec. 11th, 2008 04:30 pm (UTC)

My ex is still hanging around. He's taking his sweet old time getting his stuff out, and it's annoying. He thinks that because he "never hit me" (thank God), that he wasn't abusive. So, though I've tried to explain it to him (rationality doesn't work with him, it seems) he still doesn't get it, never will, and will do this to someone else.

Now he's pulling guilt trips on me (which don't work, btw) and using his kids against me. (I love them, and they really wanted me to be their stepmom, and he knows this.) That's just sick. And his ex wife actually told me yesterday that she still wants me to see them. I just don't think that's a good idea.

Anyhow, MsCarolyn, I just wanted to say you're doing a great job, and I too will be happy for you when you and your kids are safe. I know about the spectre of verbal abuse, and how (even in 2008) alot of people don't think it's "really" abuse...but it is.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to contact me. We all need all the support and understanding we can get in times like these. :)

Take care, and stay safe.


Fri, Dec. 12th, 2008 12:34 am (UTC)

My ex kicked me out two months ago. I was moving toward leaving anyway after getting therapy and realizing that for 17 years I have been an abused spouse. Emotionally abused, verbally , but not physically. I walked on eggshells for many years trying to fix things, but I couldn't do it. I had to get help for myself and get healthy. What hurts is the kids still being with her rages and mood swings.

I am still getting roped in emotionally when she pushes my buttons, but I am getting better about detaching. It is a rough road, but I am feeling freer now. At least I have visitation after not seeing my kids for 8 weeks, which killed me. Anyway, I know I come at the abuse from a different side of thigns, but I felt it all the same. I am hopeful for you and will think good thoughts.